(via discolor3d)
I bloody hate this.
I just wish I could be beautiful. I wish a was a happy, care free girl that someone could fall in love with. I told the guy I’m in love with that I was in love with him recently, and I expected everything to change; I thought he might give me a hug or slip his hand in mine and everything would be okay. But he didn’t. And it isn’t.
I don’t blame him for anything. If he doesn’t feel the same way about me then that’s just fair enough and I have to accept it. But handsome and beautiful guys like him just don’t fall in love with extremely sad guys like me.
I just texted him a quote that said “I hope you’re never lonely. You are too lovely.” And he replied saying that he is “always alone even when [he’s] surrounded by people.” And everything fucking sucks. He is so lovely. He doesn’t fucking deserve this! He deserves to be happy and free and to feel wonderful and content with life. And he doesn’t. AND IT FUCKING SUCKS!
On 10th May 2013, I will be one whole year cut free. And I know I should be happy. I know I should be so proud of myself. But all I want to do is cut again, and all I want to do is stop being so sad, but I just can’t find a way out; I can’t escape. I just don’t want to live like this anymore. I want unending silence.
I bloody hate this.
